Love Me, Stranger
by TheLostShephard
Summary: Post Fire and Water; Pre S2 Finale. Claire struggles with her anger towards Charlie. She has to figure out what's driving it, how real it is, and if it's really worth the heartache.


"_Right. And Locke's your friend now." _

_  
He shouldn't have said that, and he knew it. He had gone too far. The hurt and guilt in his eyes mirrored the pain she felt in her heart. He was only trying to fix the situation, and she wasn't ready to be over it. She wasn't ready to forgive him. She wasn't ready to let it go. She had trusted him, and he had betrayed that confidence. She didn't need him, and she would prove it. She could make it on her own._

"_But Locke is your friend now."_

_He just couldn't come off it, could he? No. He couldn't. He was jealous. So let him be jealous; she didn't care. She could do without Locke, too. She didn't really need him either… maybe just as a figure for Aaron to look up to. But that was different. He was a better person than Charlie was, had a better character. It really was different. Who was she trying to convince? And why was she trying so hard?_

"_Come on, Claire, this is Locke we're talking about. He's old. He's bald. Not to mention that funny smell that follows him around like a whipped puppy. You know it bothers you."_

_What the hell? Even Charlie wouldn't say that. Would he? Bloody hell. Why couldn't she just have one night where her dreams weren't about what had happened in the past five days? Why couldn't she just sleep? What had ever happened to sweet, peaceful, dreamless sleep? It wasn't like she deserved this. She hadn't done anything wrong. Not really…_

* * *

Claire rubbed her eyes and sat up, peering through the darkness. Aaron was still asleep, and he wouldn't need anything for a few hours yet. She was more than grateful that he had finally started sleeping through the night. Now if she could just find a way to do that, too… maybe she wouldn't be so tired and stressed during the day. Claire sighed. She had two options—she could go find one of the men who were on watch and try talking with them, or she could go back to sleep. Neither sounded very appealing. And what was she going to do? Wander down by the fire and tell them that she couldn't sleep? Because she was cold? Because she was having bad dreams? No, never mind that idea. She would rather go back to sleep. She lay back down, closed her eyes, and was asleep again before she knew it…

* * *

"_You're pretty damn selfish, aren't you, Claire? And to think that I'm actually a little surprised. It's disturbing, to say the least."_

_She knew that voice all too well. Just hearing it made her cringe. Thank God she couldn't actually see him. Scrap that. Someone flipped the lights on. She was back at her apartment; Thomas was sitting in a chair, looking smug as ever._

"_You're one to talk." Claire retorted. "You left me alone, with a baby. I needed you, and you abandoned me."_

"_Just like you were going to abandon Aaron—even though you're the only one who can save him."_

_That voice was different, but she recognized it. Claire turned around to face the speaker._

"_Excuse me? I was not going to abandon him. I was going to give him the kind of life I never had—two parents who loved him, stability, something to rely on. Do you have any idea how hard that was for me? Knowing that I couldn't give him that on my own?" Her argument was weak, and she knew it._

"_As a matter of fact…"_

"_Guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree, eh Christian?" Thomas was laughing mockingly. "Your daughter's just as much a failure as you are. Look at both of you, trying to justify abandonment."_

"_Oh, can it, Thomas. You did just as much abandoning as Daddy did, and you haven't said a word about how wrong you were." Claire interjected._

"_At least I left before the kid was born. He'll never know who I was or that I left. He'll never meet me. You can always make up this fantastic story about how I died or something." Thomas shrugged. "He'll never have daddy abandonment issues."_

_Claire shook her head in disgust, feeling that his comment was too low to invoke a direct response. "What the hell does any of this have to do with Charlie, anyway?"_

_Christian looked at Thomas. Thomas looked at Christian. They both shrugged awkwardly and looked at her._

"_Well," Thomas began, and then stopped._

"_Here's the thing, Claire," Christian picked it up, "We both were idiots, to be quite frank, when we left. But you didn't really need us, either of us. I mean, you grew up just fine without me… and you're probably a better person because I wasn't there to mess everything up. I'm not exactly the world's top role-model."_

_Claire wanted to argue, but she knew he was probably right._

"_Me either." Thomas finally admitted. "You _deserve_ better, Claire."_

"_I still don't understand what this has to do with Charlie—or my being selfish."_

"_Charlie needs you." Thomas said simply._

"_He really is better than the both of us together. He was messed up before that plane crashed. He's trying to be a better person now—mostly because of you." Christian added._

"_Not to mention the fact that he's kind of madly in love with you. Even though neither of you will admit it." Thomas said. "Everyone deserves a second chance, Claire. I'm surprised that you haven't seen that already—being where you are. Think about it…"_

* * *

Aaron's quiet fussing woke her up this time. Couldn't he sleep either? Oh well. Better take care of him before he woke someone else up. She picked him up, checked him—he was fine. He just wanted to be held. It wasn't unusual. He stopped fussing as soon as she started bouncing in her arms. She'd have to walk with him for a while before he fell asleep again… might as well go see who was on guard duty for the night.

Claire left her tent, making her way some fifty-odd feet to the nearest campfire.

Jack was just relieving Sawyer for his shift, and the latter was too exhausted to remark on how late the former was.

"G'night, Doc. I was just about t' fall asleep, anyway." Sawyer managed in a sleepy voice as he rose from his post.

"Right." Jack yawned, and then tried to shake it off. "Just don't fall asleep before you get to your tent."

Sawyer brushed the warning off with the wave of his hand as he walked away. Passing Claire he said: "Mamacita? Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"It's Aaron," Claire quickly explained, "He couldn't sleep."

Sawyer's brow rose with a look that spelled doubt, but he said no more than: "Well, night then, Blondie. Don't let him keep you up too late."

"Claire!" Jack called as loudly as he dared. He could barely distinguish her figure from the shadows she was standing in. "Come over here by me. I'm still trying to wake up." He said, patting a spot in the sand next to him. "Come talk." He really did need to wake up, and as long as she was out here, he could use the company. Claire had always been an easy person for him to talk to—when they did talk—and he would appreciate some good conversation.

"I'd get you a cup of coffee, but I don't feel like walking to the Hatch in the dark." Claire said, smiling as she sat down.

"It's okay," Jack smiled, "I'm not much of a coffee drinker, anyway. How's the baby?"

"He's good, really good." Claire said, nodding. "He just couldn't sleep, that's all. I think he just wanted to be held." Because, for all his fussing, Aaron's eyelids were beginning to droop, and he was perfectly quiet now.

"Mind if I hold him?"

"Of course not." She said, carefully handing the baby to Jack.

"I think he likes me." Jack commented when Aaron didn't cry. "He's beautiful."

Life never ceased to amaze him.

"Thank you."

"So, Claire, how are you? Everything alright?" Jack asked. "I'm trying to stay awake." He explained. "I had a long day, didn't sleep much."

"Ah. I didn't sleep much, either." Claire admitted. "Kept having these weird dreams. But it's nothing, really."

"C'mon," Jack prodded, "I know nothing when I see it. What's going on? Still having trouble with Charlie?"

"Kind of," Claire said. "It's complicated."

"Complicated?" Jack asked. "As in the 'you trusted him, he lied, he took Aaron, he's sorry, now he wants to make it better' kind of complicated?"

"Exactly." Claire smiled ruefully. "I just don't know what to do, Jack. I want to trust him, I really do. But at the same time, I don't know if I can. I don't know if I'm willing to risk that kind of heartache again."

Jack was quite for a while, taking time to choose his words carefully. It was clear by the tone of her voice that the former heartache she referred to hadn't been caused by Charlie. He could only guess its source.

"He lied to you, right? He made some mistakes—bigger than most people make in such a short time, granted, but that's beside the point."

"Yeah…?" Claire said, waiting for him to continue.

"We all make mistakes, Claire. It's not like you've never lied, right?"

"Right. But…"

"We're only human." Jack explained. "We all make mistakes… and when we see how we've messed up, most of us are sorry and would like to have the chance to prove it. I know forgiveness isn't an easy thing… but I don't think it would hurt."

Claire was silent, absorbed in her own thoughts, and made no attempt to reply.

After a pause Jack continued: "Charlie was pretty messed up when we got here. He's changed a lot though, for the better. I think a big part of the reason why is because he saw the person he wanted to be, through you. But it's a growing process. You can't just decide that you want to change and then—presto!—life is beautiful and everything is perfect. It takes time, lots of time. And a little support doesn't hurt."

Claire had to stare at him for a moment before she spoke. "Wow, Jack. Did you talk to Charlie earlier?"

"Nah." Jack shrugged. "It's just a lucky guess." Truth was, he could observe and explain other people's relationships with each other than he could his own.

"I've been pretty selfish." Claire murmured, more to herself than to him.

"Hmm?" Jack asked, handing the baby back as he explained: "I can't feel my arm anymore."

"Nothing," Claire said, taking Aaron. "I just have to fix this… before it gets worse."

"Good luck with that."

"Thanks."

"Think you can sleep now?"

"Yeah… I should be fine. Thank you, Jack."

"Any time, Claire, don't mention it."

Claire went back to her tent, tucked Aaron in, and climbed back into her own bed. Yes, she could sleep now. She felt… peaceful. At least, her conscience wasn't bothering her anymore. She would talk to Charlie first chance she got tomorrow. Everything would be alright. Maybe she needed him after all…just like he needed her. Maybe she did love him, after all. And maybe, just maybe, she was getting ahead of herself.

And with that thought she fell asleep.


End file.
